Bleurgh

Today I am not really feeling myself. Yesterday, I didn't go to yoga and I am definitely feeling it let me tell you! I also spent the day stressed out because I have not been prioritising my school work (not a strength of mine). I need to arrange three different observations of school environments for 2 assignments that are due in within 2 weeks. I also have two other assignments for another class due in the same week. I spoke to my professor about how stressed I was about it and he just smiled at me and said “I'm confident that you can do it and I look forward to seeing you get through the next few weeks". Hmmm needless to say I wasn't too impressed. I have been thinking about it today and I had a realisation (a begrudging realisation haha): it is I who am accountable for MY studying and I need to stop complaining and get on with it! I managed to book two other observations today and the other one should be sorted in the next few days. I feel better already. I have plenty of time to do the assignments, it's just that I like to procrastinate and faff about. I need to be more organised and accept responsibility. After all, nobody else is going to do it for me.

Some of you that know me might know that I am a great believer in positive thinking and that we are all in control of our own realities. So easily we look to blame others when we should start by looking to ourselves; not an easy thing to do, who wants to admit their wrong?? So that is one of the things that I have started to work on, as can be seen in the example above. Anyway, this is not my main point. I realised that for most of the day yesterday and today I have been feeling very negative and unhappy. I had a few problems sorting out one of the observations, it involved a lot of email exchanges (not nasty ones) but it eventually got sorted. Maybe if I had been in a better frame of mind it wouldn't have been such a struggle. Something to think about.

The other thing I have been thinking about today is truth. I am currently reading a book that talks about how we need to be more honest and open with each other; fear stops us. I definitely try to be as truthful as possible, in the nicest way possible. Which isn't to say that sometimes I don't lose it and blurt something out when I shouldn't; sometimes I just see red (another thing I'm working on). I think I've improved in the past year alone (I hope!). It's hard when you know someone is going to get upset; sometimes I refrain from saying aloud what I'm thinking in my head. I know I find it hard if someone tells me something I don't particularly want to hear, but in the end I respect that person for telling the truth; it can take a lot of courage to be totally honest with someone. I like to try and reflect on what the person said - do I think they have a point? It's not always easy for me to accept that the other person is right - but if I do I definitely want to stop the same thing from happening again in the future. It's about learning to ACT rather than REACT. This is why I have such a great friendship with my best friend. She calls me out on my crap and I call her out on hers. We don't get bitchy about it. Most importantly, we don't hold grudges. Once it's done, it's done. Love you Linds!!